Happy Birthday, Zana-DO

Today is my birthday and, while the 1st of January officially marks the start of the year, this has traditionally been my day of new beginnings. On January 8th last year, I made a pledge to align my life so that I could go to Argentina. One year later, that dream realized, I am sitting here answering the ever-present question, for myself and for all those who love me or are even slightly curious, "What's next?"

In conversations, I can sense my listeners desired response. "I loved it, I am moving there forever" - simple, inspiring, happily ever after. But my return and the internal processing of my experience have harvested more complex developments and emotions, which I am working through now. And which make my prepared soundbite of an answer a bit more involved.

Subconsciously, I was hoping I'd find something in Buenos Aires that would change everything. Another go at making my life in a foreign, exotic land - an opportunity I gave up almost 5 years ago to stay in NYC. It was Barcelona then, it would be Buenos Aires now. And I was ready to stay this time. I gave up my apartment, forwarded all important mail and went down there open. Ready to be moved in some awe-inspiring direction. And I was. I met wonderful people and was presented with promising opportunities. It was actually the belief that I could survive there that gave me the idea to come back early for the Holidays. I'd surely return.

Ironically, the most rewarding discovery made in Buenos Aires has taken me further from her, for the moment. It was there, wrapped in a cocoon free of financial worries and blessed by her favor, that I felt confident enough to finally admit it. I like to and I want to write, professionally. (I've said it on my birthday, I want to write!) Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like I need to be in "the real world", aka NYC with all of its stresses and yearnings to strive, to pursue this. To research, to converse, to fight the demons of doubt and insecurity that have always encircled this deep-seeded dream. Perhaps the lack of these pressures I experienced in Buenos Aires makes it the perfect place for me to continue to grow in my writing. Who knows but, as of today, Buenos Aires reveals itself as the catalyst, not the final destination.

I've been scared to put my thoughts on the blog because, per the tenet of this sounding board, once I say it, once I write it here, I have to DO it. Plus, isn't it silly or greedy to think that 2009 can be as good if not better than 2008?

Seems I've found my challenge for this year;) I vow to embrace it with open arms and heart and mind, regardless of my fears. Happy Birthday, Zana-DO.