Come Together

Just over a year later and I'm finally returning to my blog project. I am my own harshest critic and so my first response is that I have been lazy and have not remained true to the purpose of this blog and my promised journey.

In certain respects this is true. One year later, my ex is just now exiting my life. 3 months on, 3 months off has been the pattern, weaving a bitter sweet web of comfort, dependency, growth, but baby steps growth that didn't seem to be arriving anywhere significant anytime soon. Last Sunday kicked off the beginning of the 4th "off" phase. And, while it's taken me awhile, this past year has prepared me to make this the 4th and final. So, on my own timing, some progress has been made.

And, though I have not blogged about it, I've remained faithful to my pledge to stretch and grow. Taking a look at and re-evaluating the 5 goals I set for 2008 at the beginning of this year is a reminder of that :

1. HAVE a home of my own / BE a homeowner
- reduce rent
- move to new space
- apply savings on rent to buying egg
- apply more $ to buying egg
- talk to accountant about savings plan
- determine buying power
- develop a timeline


2. HAVE consistent work / BE in demand professionally
- secure calendar / desired rate
- branding exercise (what do you have to offer)
- prepare portfolio
- print business cards
- find headhunter, other advocate
- leverage current contacts / word of mouth
- identify 3 companies and approach them (at least 1 international)
- research and sign up for new list serves, job postings (at least 1 international)
- identify mentors / ask for advice


3. BE a dancer, performer / HAVE a creative outlet
- take classes
- perform with Quenia's group
- other forms of dance ? movement?
- attend dance festivals
- choreograph/stretch in room


4. DO travel / HAVE a South American adventure
- set aside $
- decide when based on financial needs and work flow for year
- JUST GO
- explore local work opportunities, volunteer while there
- ENJOY YOURSEEEEELF

5. HAVE love in my life / BE taken care of
- give it to myself first, then to others
- learn to receive love fully and freely
- set standards and stick to them
- create social networks that eminate love for oneself and love for community
- travel
- meditate
- meet and learn from a healer
- go on a physical retreat / spiritual journey

It's funny how priorities can change with time and life experience. The year started out with numbers 1 and 2 being paramount. I worked to plant my roots here in the city, networking within the world of production, creating demand for my work, demanding a decent day rate. And this success in NY was going to afford me the amount of money I needed to start saving for goal number 1. As the months have passed, goals 3, 4 and 5 have taken precedent. Goal number 4 now financially trumps goal number 1. Goal number 2 now financially feeds goal number 4. And Goals 3 and 4 override my desire to keep growing goal number 2. And it's been quite beautiful to see things evolve.

Right now my perfect existence would be doing goal number 3 in goal number 4 - exploring and developing my creativity, through dance and music, in South America. A new backdrop, new inspiration, newly discovered aspects of me. When I meditate in the mornings, this is where I put my energy. And previous experience tells me that this is powerful - there was a time when I meditated on goal number 2, and that has manifest itself. I am very grateful for that - not for the money alone but for witnessing the manifestation of a goal - it's important to acknowledge our achievements.

Now it's time to apply that formula to this new life I want to explore. Part of me feels schizo and nervous that I'll never really build something if I keep switching my priority. I'm often jealous of people who have that one thing that they've been growing for ages and do better than anyone else - having a specialty can be quite reassuring. But the other part of me knows that my heart should always lead, that it's never steered me wrong in the past, and that somehow everything I've done and will do - production, music, dance, travel, searching for love - will all come together in some beautiful way in the end. So onward I go - to DO.