,

Translating the language of the mind and heart into the language on the page
is not always easy for me. I feel and experience so many things I don't think I come close to expressing, honoring, with the written word. But I keep trying, in hopes that I'll get better and better.

I've been doing a lot of this offline lately, starting and stopping, getting to a certain point and then wondering "what now". I still write to publish, aiming to make things succinct and rounded out at the end, and perhaps that's the problem. With that approach, I might not ever grow beyond the precipice, go beyond my astute and enjoyable yet limited observations. I feel the need to write more now, to expand, and I am not so sure how. That is what the Fall is for I suppose. Write on.

The desire to expand on my writing is but one extension of a yearning core, a desire for more in my life, in all areas. My relationships, my profession, my physical space. I have experienced moments like this in the past and I know how to get through them, how to come out triumphant and further evolved. But somehow it's seeming harder. No longer junior in my career, no longer up for meaningless romps and romance, the stakes are higher, the prize is harder won. And I'm weary sometimes of the constant achieving of it. It's hard for me to say this, but I don't always know what to do. And the things I do know, I am sometimes afraid to do. So what now.

Like in my writing there is a comma here... ,
and I know it's mostly up to me to fashion what words, what truths come after.
A reality I both shy away from and cherish.